It takes a lot of courage to make your first therapy appointment. Regardless of the reason you are pursuing counselling, you are most likely at a place where you feel you need the help and are hoping the person sitting in the room with you will be a source of knowledge, encouragement, and support. So, what happens if you go to your session and it doesn’t feel quite right? It can be very disappointing or frustrating if the counsellor doesn’t meet your expectations or feels like the wrong fit. However, before giving up completely, have a look at our tips for navigating this and finding the best person for you.
Reflect on what happened
- What was it about the session that felt off to you? It’s very common to feel a bit nervous during your first session but take the time to reflect on whether there was anything else that made you feel this way. How did you feel in the space? Did the counsellor take steps to make you feel comfortable? Was there a difference in personality that just didn’t feel quite right?
- Were you looking for a counsellor with similarities to you? Although it may be surprising, your counsellor does not have to share your beliefs or have similar life experiences to be of help. Ask yourself if you were looking for someone with a similar background, age range, belief system, etc. Are you open to working with someone outside of these parameters?
- What were your expectations going into the session? It often happens that our hopes for the session may not line up with what can be done in 50 minutes. Reflect on what you were hoping to achieve in your appointment. Remember that a counsellor is not there to “fix” or “solve” a problem, but to help you explore what is happening and walk beside you as you navigate challenges. Were your expectations of them reasonable? Were you prepared to continue with subsequent sessions or were you hoping one appointment would be enough?
- Do you have a specific concern that requires specialized training? If you have a mental health concern or condition that requires a specific treatment, you may need to seek out someone with this knowledge. While all clinical counsellors are well trained in general mental health, not everyone may have the additional information you need to get the most out of sessions. Don’t hesitate to ask your counsellor what their background is and if they feel confident in helping you with your specific concern.
What should I do if it’s not the right fit?
- Talk to your counsellor about it! Counsellors are professionals and appreciate this kind of feedback. It may be possible for them to change their approach or provide options to help you feel better about your sessions. This may look like choosing a different modality for you, changing things about the room to make it more inviting, providing concrete homework activities, etc. Do not be afraid to ask for what you need as most counsellors will be more than happy to provide it if they can.
- Ask for a referral. If you still feel the connection isn’t there, ask your current counsellor to make a referral to someone they feel would be a better fit for you. Many counsellors are well connected to other professionals and can help set you up with one of their colleagues.
- Schedule a free consultation with a few other counsellors. If your first attempt didn’t work out, it can be discouraging and difficult to try again. Don’t give up! Schedule a few free consultations with other therapists so you can find your best match.
If you are currently looking for a counsellor, Island Clinical Counselling offers free 15-minute consultations with each of our staff members. Please reach out to schedule meetings with some of us and get started! Book now and find your best fit in Duncan, Port Alberni, Nanaimo, or Virtually!
Written by Cat Zydyk
References:
Hers, H. (2022, Nov. 10). Help! What if my therapist isn’t the right fit? Alongside You. https://www.alongsideyou.ca/help-what-if-my-therapist-isnt-the-right-fit/