“Just be positive.”
“It’s all about mindset.”
“Try looking on the bright side.”
Sound familiar?
There is no shortage of advice when it comes to mental health and the power of our thoughts. These particular phrases, while usually well-intentioned, can actually do real harm. They suggest that if we simply replace negative thoughts with positive ones, our problems will be solved, and our distress will evaporate into thin air.
If you’ve ever had someone suggest you “think positively” about a difficulty you were having, you’ll know exactly what I mean. Did you have to work very hard to contain the burning rage that bubbled up inside you? I know I did…
Why “Just Be Positive” Doesn’t Work
When you are anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, or experiencing any other big emotion, your nervous system is activated. It shifts into fight-or-flight mode. The emotional parts of the brain switch on, and the rational, thinking parts take a back seat.
In other words, your brain is trying to keep you alive. It’s not concerned with affirmations or positive quotes.
Telling someone to “just be positive” ignores how the human brain actually functions under stress. You cannot think your way out of a survival response using optimism alone.
The other issue is that telling someone to “be positive” can invalidate their emotional experience. It sends the message that certain emotions (especially the heavier ones) aren’t acceptable. That sadness, anger, grief, or fear needs to be tidied up quickly so everyone feels more comfortable.
Frequent invalidation doesn’t make emotions disappear. It just teaches people to hide them. These emotions do not evaporate; they stay in our bodies and develop into increased anxiety, burnout, irritability, anger, or depression.
The Problem with Toxic Positivity
“Toxic positivity” refers to the pressure to stay positive at all costs, even in the face of genuine distress. It frames heavy emotions as problems to fix rather than signals to explore and understand.
Where CBT Gets Misunderstood
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is one of my go-to approaches in my work with clients. It makes sense to me. I’ve used it in my own life many times, and I consistently see the difference it makes in people’s lives.
There is strong evidence supporting CBT for a wide range of mental health concerns. However, I’ve also found that it’s frequently misunderstood. A very common misconception is the belief that CBT is primarily about turning negative thoughts into positive ones.
It isn’t.
Properly practised CBT does not tell people their thoughts are wrong, irrational, or “bad.” Instead, it focuses on:
- Identifying patterns of thinking that increase distress
- Examining whether those thoughts are helpful, accurate, or shaped by context
- Understanding how thoughts, emotions, physical reactions, and behaviours interact to create our lived experience
The goal is awareness, balance, and flexibility. Not positivity at any cost.
What CBT Actually Focuses On
CBT is all about curiosity. For example, it may explore:
- Where does this belief or thought come from?
- When does this thought show up?
- How does this thought influence my emotions and behaviours?
- Is this the only possible explanation?
The answers to these questions may not be “positive.” They may, however, be more compassionate, nuanced, or realistic.
All of our brains engage in thinking patterns that can be unhelpful, such as imagining the worst-case scenario, assuming we know the future, mind-reading other people’s opinions, and so on. CBT helps us notice when this is happening and gives us a choice:
Do we want to stay on this well-worn mental path? Or are we open to widening our perspective?
“I fail at everything” does not magically become “Everything will be fine.” (I don’t believe in that sort of thing anyway.) Sometimes we genuinely don’t know how something will turn out.
But we can explore our automatic thoughts and open them to something more balanced:
“This isn’t about failing or succeeding. It’s about showing up.”
“I’ve failed before, and I’ve also learned and coped with what happened.”
That shift isn’t about blind optimism. It’s about flexibility.
CBT also places strong emphasis on behavioural change. This can include gradual exposure, skill-building, and experimenting with new responses. In my practice, I often talk about neuroplasticity and how the brain has the ability to form new pathways.
Can we notice the well-worn path our thinking has carved out over time? And can we intentionally build an alternative path, giving the brain more options when it encounters similar situations again?
The Bottom Line
Mental health is not about forcing ourselves into positivity or pretending difficult emotions don’t exist. It’s about understanding our internal experiences with curiosity, compassion, and honesty. CBT doesn’t ask us to deny our pain. It invites us to explore it differently. So the next time someone suggests you “just be positive,” you have full permission to ignore that advice. And if you’re ready for that real, deeper discussion about what’s really going on, you know where to find me.
Written by Cat Zydyk